Cold Desert
by my-heart-is-just-as-silent
Summary: Vintage cars, blueberry pop-tarts, Christmas, 80's music, Levi’s jeans, and the Arizona desert. It’s Jasper/Bella, because the Volturi have interfered...Chapter 10 up! Sorry for update lateness! R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**On **_**Cold Desert**_**: **

**This fic is rated T for violence, language, and scenes of an intimate nature. It may be changed for future chapter content.**

**The POV alternates between the main characters, Bella and Jasper.**

**The setting is vast and varied; from Forks all the way down the west coast, mainly in Arizona.**

**The antagonists are, of course, the Volturi, but also a certain member of the Cullen family, to be revealed at a later date.**

**This is a story concentrating not only on a relationship between the most unlikely of people, but also on personal changes occurring in the nature of those people.**

**Music will play a large role in influencing the characters.**

_**Cold Desert**_** ignores the love between Bella and Jacob, though it is in the timeline after ****New Moon****.**

**In **_**Cold Desert**_** there is no threat from Victoria or the newborns. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

COLD DESERT

Preface

BELLA'S POV

I gazed into the perfect marble face I once knew so well and allowed the pain to run through me unchecked.

Its flawless features were twisted in disbelief and yet carried familiarly tense, protecting lines. My heart swelled with emotion. Behind me, a cool hand circled the nape of my neck.

Terrified, though not for myself, I wondered whether it would be safer to move forward or backward. I never seemed to make any progress- hadn't I already formed a decision? Perhaps that was precisely the problem.

Bending under the heavy pressure of broken bonds, I listened to them growl.

Breathing deeply, I straightened. Concentrating on the remembered sounds of the desert and the careful plucking of an aged guitar, I offered them each a small smile.

My whole body shook as I took a step, making my choice.

Chapter 1.

"I don't see why I should submit to Alice's torture. I'd honestly prefer forty lashes, or…some other lesser version of punishment." I harrumphed loudly, sinking deeper into the peeling soft surface of my Chevy's passenger seat.

Edward laughed, taking a moment to brush the hair off my forehead, causing me unnecessary worry as he removed both his eyes from the road and hands from the wheel. "It's not really that bad. And it makes her happy. Maybe," he continued, lifting his shapely brows skeptically, "she'll be so thrilled I can finally hear what she's been hiding from me."

I looked at him. "Alice is keeping a secret? And I don't know about it? Some best friend." I pondered what she was using to block him. I voiced the question to him aloud.

"She's rather enthusiastically repeating the songs to 'High School Musical'."

I giggled. It was _so_ Alice.

His handsome face grew dark, sullen. "Some sister," he muttered.

I grinned, nudging him in the arm. "Come on, I bet it's nothing serious. She probably wants you to buy her a car. Or maybe she's bought me a gift and doesn't want you to tell me. It _is_ close to my birthday. Sort of."

Edward shook his head, exasperated. "Bella, summer's not even here yet. Your birthday is in September. No, it's something else. But you're right," he conceded, "it's probably nothing."

We rode along the winding lane leading to the Cullen mansion, and as soon as we parked I shifted in my seat. I eagerly reached for Edward's face, but he captured my hands before they even met the smooth surface of his skin.

"Bella," he gently admonished me.

I hesitantly positioned myself closer to him, ignoring the steel cage clasping my hands together. My lips clung to his for a moment, and I closed my eyes, smiling around the kiss. Too soon, he pulled back, dazzling me with a flash of bright white teeth.

"They're waiting for us," he reminded me.

Frustrated, I blurted out the first thing that crossed my mind. "No, they're listening at the door, hoping to God you'll finally stop treating me like a child and give me what I want." I bit my tongue, instantly regretting my harsh words. He released my hands and they flew instinctively to my mouth.

I hastily apologized, watching his features contort with shock and sorrow. "Edward, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I didn't mean it," I said, despite the fact that I did. "Please forgive me."

He pouted for a second, and then settled for touching my cheek. He shrugged lightly, gauging my expression. I could almost hear the words hidden in the gesture. His body was saying, "This is all you're going to get." His sad smile tried to justify the movement and its meaning.

I could sense my eyebrows pulling together as I studied him. Pale, ocher eyes gleaming, lips a straight-up siren call…

I knew instinctively something wasn't right with our relationship. Granted, Edward was the only boyfriend I'd ever had. And he wasn't exactly normal, per se. But it only stood to reason that the male shouldn't be the one denying the female intimacy- wasn't it supposed to happen the other way around? He claimed it was only because he thirsted for my blood, and that he could kill me if we got too carried away. But on the other hand, he often said he'd become desensitized, and that everything was simply 'mind over matter'.

I loved Edward, but sometimes I hated how he made me feel- helpless and unwanted. And then there was the left-over hurt and sense of abandonment from those long months and his betrayal…

Still, ignoring my sudden negative feelings, I touched his nose and whispered, "Let's get the torture over and done with."

When we opened the door to the manor, Alice immediately sprang toward me, throwing her skinny arms around my neck.

"Bella!" she exclaimed happily.

I laughed, patting her back; she was always so exuberant. I envied her for that.

Alice pulled me close and whispered in my ear. "I see great things for us today."

I shivered. Her tone of voice was undeniably eerie, and when she backed away, her hands remained clutching my own forearms, and her eyes were pitch-black and strained.

Puzzled, I glanced around, trying to get someone's attention. Had they noticed the change in my best friend?

But no one was paying us any mind. Edward had drifted over to his piano, Rosalie was rather…_preoccupied_ with Emmett on the cream-colored couch, Esme and Carlisle were discussing the weather in the kitchen, and Jasper sat perched upon the high bookshelf, reading, golden hair scraping the tall ceiling.

"Alice," I began worriedly, but she pressed two white fingers into my lips and beckoned me upstairs.

Ignoring the twinge of panic, I followed her up the grand staircase and into her bedroom.

We played dress-up for hours. Her strange behavior seemed to disappear, and I was able to complain freely. Occasionally, Edward or Jasper would poke their heads in to check up on us, and once, struggling with a lacy Guchi dress, I found myself asking Alice why she and Jasper had separate bedrooms.

She smiled gently, tugged the sheer material over my head, and said, "Jasper and I don't have that sort of relationship. A while ago, we tried. But it never worked out. You see, he's really very shy. And to be honest," Alice continued as she braided my long hair, "his scars bother me. I can't bear to look at him."

Flabbergasted, I turned and looked at her. "Alice…that seems sort of mean."

She nodded. "Yes, I'm sure that it does. But Jazz understands. Now, put on these shoes," she told me, tossing a pair of brown Manolos into my lap.

Sometime later, I noticed that her movements grew tenser; she accidentally ripped two designer shirts with obvious French tags. She became rough; I would surely have bruises from the force of her zipping and buttoning.

Finally, clad in Alice's version of 'pier de resistance', I staggered back into the living room and performed my obligatory twirl. Edward clapped politely, Rosalie smirked, Emmett howled with laughter, Esme sighed and clasped her hands to her chest, Carlisle appraised me with a doctor's keen eye, and Jasper merely smiled softly.

Feeling vaguely ridiculous, and with every intention of hiding in the bathroom for a couple of days, I made a quick run for the steps.

Unexpectedly, the sound of ferocious snarling met my ears. Whirling around, I saw that Edward was standing by the front door in an animalistic pose. Jasper dropped down from the bookcase instantly, growling deep in his chest.

"Is something wrong, son?" Carlisle asked calmly.

Then, the rest of the vampires struck up a defensive posture.

"What's going on?" I demanded. Were they hearing someone coming? I _hated_ my humanity in that instant; I was frail, deaf, unable to defend myself from what was nearing…

"They reek of Volturi!" Rosalie shrieked.

Jasper quickly threw a glance at Alice and me where we stood frozen in place.

"Alice," he hissed, "What do you see?"

But she simply shook her spiky head and said, "Nothing."

Frightened out of my wits, I leaned into Alice, knowing she would protect me. Her small arms circled my shoulders. But it was strange, it was-

_Changed. The room shifted. It was Jasper holding me, his muscular arms shielding me from the danger. I pushed my face into his chest. He smelled like-_

Edward tore threw the room, overturning the sofa and the ottoman, glancing toward me. "What should we do? Run? Hide?"

Carlisle said, "No. There's no use. They'd find us regardless."

My head was spinning; what was that vision about? It had seemed so real. I could almost taste the elusive scent off his skin...

I shook myself out of my reverie. Were the Volturi coming after me? I was still human. Maybe they were here to check? But Edward had assured me they would give us more time…

"Get ready," Emmett snarled.

The door broke in half, crumbling, and through the wreckage I could clearly see the forms of two vampires.

One had long black hair, almost to her waist. She wore long dark robes. And the other was similar, though his hair was shorn close to his skull. Their eyes were blood red and shining. They bared their teeth in a shocking grimace.

Before Carlisle could speak, I felt Alice's hands become claws, digging into my flesh to the point where it almost broke the skin.

Trembling, I looked at her just in time to watch her fall to her knees and begin to scream.

Across the room, Jasper threw his golden head back and collapsed.

* * *

**A/N:**

**This is my first fic with a non-canon pairing. **

**I got the name **_**Cold Desert**_** from a Kings of Leon song…which just so happens to fit the theme and feeling of this story to a T.**

**I owe a big shout out to omigiluffbleachvampires, and twilifecrisis for being great sounding boards for my fic ideas. Thanks! **

**Also, please remember to review. I can't update if I don't have any feedback. Even if you hate my fic, please take the time to tell me what you disliked about it; there's a good chance I'll take your criticism and use it to better the story. I've never done a first-person POV fic before, but I've worked hard to try and capture the unique (not to mention very different) voices of both Bella and Jasper.**

**Feel free to ask me any questions about where the story is headed, either in a rev or a PM.**

**Send me songs that you think would be perfect for Bella/Jasper bonding…or just songs you'd like to hear Jazz play for you on his guitar under a full moon! I might use them in the story.**

**REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**On **_**Cold Desert**_**:**

**This is a non-canon pairing fic.**

**This fic is rated T.**

**The POV alternates between Bella and Jasper.**

**The antagonists are the Volturi, but also one of the Cullens.**

**There will be some scenes in **_**Cold Desert**_** that are written in a more artistic form, to better express the rawness of emotions.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I did own a copy of the book- until a certain assistant manager of mine "borrowed" the sacred thing and never returned it. What am I, the library?**

Chapter 2.

JASPER'S POV

The Cullen house was entirely devoid of clocks.

Creatures like us were not bound by such petty restraints as time. We had an eternity- and unlike Edward, I did not overly appreciate- or curse- each breath I took. What was the need? Time was just another aspect of my long life that I was disinterested in, though it was, essentially, central to the role of vampire.

Yet I could not feign indifference to the caustic ticking of Bella's internal clock: her heart.

The threat was imminent, her pulse rate skyrocketed accordingly, and in moments such as these I truly found myself.

Yet our unknown enemies were drawing closer. And the sound of their approach combined with the human's sweet panic and my family's sour wariness.

I felt a lull in my own strength. Instinctively, I tried to lessen the tension in the wide room, but my efforts proved useless. I swore quietly, frustrated with myself.

I looked to Alice. Her lily-white skin was stretched taut over the thin bones in her small face, and she appeared childlike.

"Alice, what do you see?" I demanded.

"Nothing," came her hushed reply, and I snarled with anxiety.

The reasons we were to be confronted by the Volturi were decidedly large in quantity: our coven was second in size only to the Volturi themselves, we housed a human with considerable knowledge of the dark world of vampire, we had recently humiliated them in Volterra with the little stunt Edward had pulled…

I was surprised our ashes weren't already smoldering on some pyre in the backyard of a pig farmer in Italy.

Edward shot me a black look. I bitterly showed him my teeth.

The Volturi were so close I could taste them. Shocking sureness emanated from their bodies, still unseen. But there were only two of them. We could handle them easily.

"Get ready," Emmett said ferociously, and I wanted to laugh. There was no need to worry.

The door crashed inward, splintering…

Call it warrior's instinct. Call it soldier's intuition. Whatever it was, I knew then that we were in serious trouble.

They smiled, similar in appearance, yet plain by vampire standards, and every muscle in my body tensed.

It was so sudden.

_Burning, choking on soot, Jesus is coming, stake in hand, he's the savior, he's the Impaler, musket balls exploding, tattered gray and blue uniforms, I'm starving, I would eat my own fingers if I could pull the trigger without them-_

"Alice, Jasper!" my family shouted. But I was far away, I was-

_Writhing, suffocating in the damp basement, and it's Christmas, I'm seven, and my father is poor, he has no gifts, my mother sits sobbing, there's the empty liquor bottle and the bruises on her breasts, this won't hurt a bit-_

I blinked back my pain, the agony pulling ceaselessly at my being, reminding me cruelly of past human horrors, the first change. Alice was on her knees, twitching, pupils dilated, gritting her teeth to keep from screaming. I reached for her, but the pain-

_Twisting, turning away, she reaches into my chest and yanks at the organ which once pumped life into me, scars keeping her at bay, golden eyes searing me, she is my tether, but it's wrong, I want her, I hate her, you will never heal me-_

I cradled my head in my hands. I couldn't string two coherent thoughts together. And I knew that if I wasn't a vampire I would have tears streaming down my face.

Vaguely, I almost longed for the ability to cry in that instant, those never ending, torturous seconds-

_Teeth, tearing skin from me, there's venom welling in my mouth, I'm angry, I strike out, laughing because they all die, but it's not me, it's Maria, because somewhere I am just a dead soldier, lying haphazardly underneath a meaningless gravestone-_

I'm wasn't sure then, in my haze, what caused suffering to change into rage-Alice's faint grimace, the cries of alarm from Esme, Rosalie's long blonde hair flying as she growled…and Bella's fragile ivory face filled with fear and fright, warm brown eyes wide. Her stance was bent, as if she wanted to rush toward us and wipe the pain from our stone brows.

As I watched, her delicate features changed from agonized to agonizing, expression abruptly akin to that of one's bones being broken.

I had only witnessed pain on that level once before in my entire existence.

And that was from a drawing.

What pen and paper could not express in life, I now saw clearly upon the pale face of my brother's soul mate. I also felt it.

My pain was still intense- but I found that I was helpless to resist sinking into Bella's beautiful agony, instead of focusing on my own.

Her skinny body crumpled like a paper cup in God's hand, and she curled into a ball on the plush carpet and wrapped her arms around her midsection.

My eyes seemed to roll back into my brain as the new pain washed through me.

On the other end of the room, I could sense Edward struggling with his own demons and memories, debilitating him physically as well as mentally. I heard him foolishly attempt to crawl across the floor to where Bella lay moaning, even as he suppressed his groans.

It overriding, it was _everything_.

And then- the hurricane of anguish vanished, leaving only small waves in its place.

I settled flat on my back and lay there panting. At this point, I did not care if I lived or died.

Alice and Edward returned to themselves, but Bella remained quietly screeching.

He pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth.

"What have you done to her?" Edward asked harshly, glaring at the intruders with fierce onyx eyes.

The strangers began to speak, and I found myself listening despite the tremors rattling my form.

"We have cursed you. It should have worn off…for now. As to why she is still consumed by it, I suppose it's because she's feeble. Worse- she's human," the male snickered.

"Edward," Carlisle inquired of his first son, "What are their names?"

"Chelsea," Edward murmured, "and her mate, Afton. I know nothing else."

"Yes, those are our names," the woman, Chelsea, crowed. "And I trust you will not forget them." Her proud voice evoked the same feeling one gets from pricking their finger on a thorn.

Preoccupied with Bella's uneven heartbeat, and the stillness of Alice's small self, I almost did not catch her next poisonous words.

"You Cullens and your love…it's what we use against you like a weapon."

What did they mean? They were toying with our emotions? Is this what they meant by payback is a-

Edward growled a low warning. I snorted. Was this the time to be concerned with keeping my thoughts clean?

He shook his head and wiped the sweat from Bella's cheeks.

"Please explain," Carlisle requested, the fury barely concealed in his voice.

The pair leaned arrogantly against the doorframe, as if they owned the place. Afton said, "Our powers are not strong separately, but together- we can destroy you."

His mate laughed, and the urge to throttle her seized me. She stage-whispered, "We already _have_, Afton."

Rosalie made as if to attack her, but Emmett restrained her.

Chelsea straightened, lifting her chin. "Listen closely. You are at the mercy of the Volturi. We have begun the process of breaking the bonds of those couples," she pointed her finger imperiously at Alice and I, and then Edward and Bella, though speaking directly to Carlisle. "Once we finish with them, they will not be able to stand within a certain distance of each other. If they attempt to resist, they will be struck with the sort of pain they just endured." She altered her direction. "You may not think of your loved one; a similar pain will take hold of you. There is no escape. You have two choices: obey or be broken forevermore."

The silence following her words was deafening.

I desired nothing then but the calm abyss of emotionlessness. It seemed that I was right all along: it was far better to feel nothing at all than to feel too much.

Alice, mere inches from me, yet seeming so far away, murmured, "What do you want?"

As they made their impossible demands, I tasted the change in Alice. She was calm, yet strained from the aftermath of the curse. I grasped her tiny hand in my own, trying to reassure her. She avoided my eyes.

While the Volturi finished their ultimatum, I gathered an emotion drifting off of her that I had not discovered during the chaos. I could sense her scrambling to catch it and clamp down upon it before I did.

Too late.

My thin, sparkling partner was relieved.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Whew, this chapter was difficult. I worked very hard on it, though. Capturing Jasper's voice was the worst- he's such a great character, and I stress so much because I try to do him justice.**

**I put little crude comical things in there, just to differentiate between Bella and Jasper- and even **_**Edward**_** and Jasper. That's a big sticking point with me.**

**In this fic, that's what I hope you readers can recognize: the differences, however small, between Edward and Jasper.**

**Already, I'm _trying_ to slip them in there…**

**Sorry it took me so long to update. I went to Kings Dominion with some family. With school starting up again soon, I can't promise updates are going to be regular, but I'll do what I can.**

**A huge hug goes out to all who reviewed the first chapter. I begged most of you to read it, and I appreciate the honesty you've expressed about your…ah...distaste for the Jasper/Bella pairing.**

**Please review! I feel very discouraged when I don't get many reviews. And to all those who have added me to their various Alert/Fav lists, PLEASE take the time to review, too. It's important.**

**Send me songs appropriate for the theme of **_**Cold Desert. **_

**And, as always, PM or rev with any questions or comments.**

**REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**On **_**Cold Desert**_**:**

**Decidedly non-canon.**

**This fic is rated T- there is harsh language.**

**The POV alternates between Bella and Jasper.**

**The setting is vast- from Forks down the west coast.**

**In **_**Cold Desert**_** some scenes will be written in a more artistic form, to better express the rawness of emotion.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. But I do own the only (officially) released 'New Moon' T-shirt. Thank God for Hot Topic.**

Chapter. 3

BELLA'S POV

When Edward left me I was sure I had never felt so much pain in my life.

I was empty.

Hollow and soundless, I was merely a shell of the girl I once was. The greenery of Forks was a leafy mask over my face, giving me a continuous stream of chloroform, knocking me out. Charlie's hesitant smiles were a twisted image caused by hallucinogens, and school was like a trip to Antarctica in my birthday suit- constant frostbite, effectively numbing me into a stupor.

At that time, in my dizzy strain, I thought that I was going through agony worse than death. Yet I didn't know then what I knew now: that it _was_ possible to endure pain on a higher, more intense level.

_James sinking his teeth into my hand, saber tooth fangs piercing, and the darkness is everything, I can't see, it's the divorce, it's only normal everyone goes through it, but he doesn't want me, and I am burning, and there is Victoria-_

Where was Edward? And Alice? This was too familiar, too eerie. I was back in the mirrored room again and I was lost, blind.

There was no angel, however, no voice to call me up from the deep.

_Cake and paper cuts, watching him fade into the forest, I am drowning, there are flames above me and I want to wrap them around the wounds on my wrists, but there are wolves howling and friends bursting out of their skin-_

Dimly aware I was screaming like a banshee, I tried to push aside the pain and locate reality. There were arms and questions. I struggled to open my eyes and ears but I couldn't see or hear them.

_The cliff, it's one jump and I can end it all, do it right this time, descending into blood-red eyes and long crimson cloaks, I will never escape, my leg is breaking a thousand times, stuck on repeat, please don't leave me, don't leave me, don't-_

I lay there dying for incalculable moments. I could feel my heart twisting behind my ribs and I wondered vaguely if I would ever witness Edward's inhuman beauty again.

It hurt worse when I thought of him, if that were possible.

I remember furious roars, and a flurry of unexpected movement beyond my lids. There were terse words I could not discern while preoccupied inside my own mind, focusing on the strange sound of my screeching.

I knew only that I was lifted, the sensation startling the flow of dark thoughts. A sudden calming feeling warred violently with my turmoil. I reached a catharsis where my nerves seemed to slice apart, and my brain slowly whirred to a quiet roil, and the thumping heart giving me such pain slowed until I sank into grateful unconsciousness.

But before I surrendered to that peaceful silence, I caught the trail of a puzzlingly heady aroma. It was the distinct scent of pine trees and baking gingerbread.

Yet there was something else, an undertone mixing with the childhood smell of Christmas…

It was a vague trace of gunpowder.

---

I awoke abruptly, my hair covering my face. A few strands were in my mouth.

It was very unpleasant.

I sighed, spitting the pieces out. This always happened. My brunette locks were too wild for me to tame, and often strangled me while I slept.

I lay there for a second, mentally debating the pros and cons of chopping it all off.

It took me nearly a full minute of awareness to realize I was in a car.

Not just any car. I recalled distinctly the gentle thrum of that particular vehicle's engine, and the smell of its seats. It was Carlisle's black Mercedes, and I was stretched out in the back on the expensive custom leather.

Flinging myself upward, throwing a hand to my forehead to sweep my hair back, I looked around.

I was utterly bewildered by what I saw.

Through the windshield, I could see a sign clearly stating 'welcome to Oregon'.

There were various items assorted along the dashboard: a thick stack of cash bound together with a rubber band, two baseball caps blaring sports teams logos unknown to myself, twin pairs of large black sunglasses, the tags still attached, and a folded heavy coat with fur trimmings.

But these were not the reasons my breath caught in my throat and my eyes stretched wide as silver-dollars.

Jasper was sitting in the driver's seat. His long white fingers drummed upon the steering wheel and his honey-colored hair blew around in short waves. The window was open.

"Jasper?" I demanded, thoroughly confused, and not at all in a friendly frame of mind. What the hell was going on?

He turned to look at me, piercing me through the heart with blatantly ebony eyes.

I shrank back against the seat. "Are you hungry?" I asked him, fearful.

Jasper's well-shaped brows pulled into a puzzled line. He appraised me for a full thirty seconds, then his handsome face relaxed. He offered me a small smile.

"No, I'm not hungry. I've hunted recently. It's nothing I can't deal with anyway." Jasper returned his attention to the road and I was relieved. I was taught to drive safely, and with all these vampires driving like something from 'The Fast and the Furious' it was very stressful…Edward was the worst…

Out of the blue, I doubled over, clutching my sides with an aching familiarity that I despised. My insides twisted and I began to moan.

"Bella?" Jasper said. "Bella! Oh, shit." He swung the car into a wide arc and parked in a shoulder by the side of the road. I panted, regaining control of myself. His strong hand gripped my knee and I blinked away the pain. His manipulation of my emotions didn't hurt, I supposed, as I quickly became calm but thoughtful.

"Bella," he repeated. "Look at me. You were thinking of Edward, weren't you?"

I nodded. Of course I was. I always thought of-

My stomach flipped and a fierce thumping started up in my chest.

I shook my head. What was happening to me?

"Jasper," I said. "Why am I with you? Where is everyone? Where are _we_?"

He sighed, frustrated, and a sorrowful expression replaced the worried one.

"You don't remember. Carlisle was right." He ran a hand through his golden mane in a surprisingly human gesture. "So many questions," he continued. "And I'm not sure how to explain this to you. It's going to be tough to wrap your mind around. I still don't understand it much."

Jasper paused for a moment- the tentativeness seemed somehow significant- then he leaned around the passenger seat and reached into the glove compartment. He rummaged in its contents and extracted something white. I thought it was a piece of paper at first.

Baffled, I glanced at his outstretched hand. He had retrieved napkins from the full and cluttered glove compartment. I was sure they were the abrasive variety. I could tell just by looking at them, having used the same kind for most of my childhood at every fast food place my mother dragged me to.

I noticed the scars on his wrist as he offered them to me. The scars were difficult to see, yet I could tell they were contrasting, pinkish, a half shade darker than the smooth ivory color of his skin.

Suddenly, I was overcome by a strange and powerful urge to stroke the scars, run my fingers along them. I wanted to know if they were raised or flat, or if they would give easily to the touch.

The desire was swift yet startling. I knew the scars were a testament to how strong the newest Cullen's will was. To survive the multiple attacks…I shuddered at the viciousness of the vampires who had sank their teeth into Jasper's flesh. I knew intuitively that Jasper would not have let them live.

Would he be kinder in sharing news I was confident would shake me to my core?

I shifted my gaze to his shadowed face again. It was conflicted, yet his inky eyes were filled with purpose.

I barely knew Jasper. But in that instant I thought maybe I would get to know him, whether I liked it or not.

Cautiously, I removed the napkins from his grasp, preparing myself. They weren't tissues, but they would do.

He opened his mouth and began to speak.

**A/N:**

**I'm so sorry for the delay in this update! There was family drama. Enough said.**

**Chapter 3 did not have any soul-shaking revelations, really. I only wanted to express Bella's pain as Chelsea and Afton blasted her with the curse, and provide a bit of foreshadowing for what's to come. Humor, too- when she had hair, I bet Kristen Stewart had a hell of a time keeping it tame.**

**Do you like the smells I chose for Jasper's unique scent? As always, tell me what you think.**

**Bella's really very intuitive. Duh.**

**Thank you so much for reviewing/adding **_**Cold Desert**_** to your Fav/Alert lists.**

**Big high-fives go out to Oh Inverted World X and twilifecrisis for suggesting amazing songs for **_**Cold Desert**_**. I won't give them away; you'll just have to wait and see. But they're absolutely perfect and I am overly grateful for the help. Please continue to suggest songs. Any help would be appreciated.**

**On a personal note, I just finished Cassandra Clare's 'City of Glass'. It. Was. Wonderful. If you haven't picked up the Mortal Instruments series yet, go henceforth to your nearest Borders. You will not be disappointed. **

**Anyone else love the latest episode of True Blood? All I have to say is I heart Eric. And soon, Sookie will, too.**

**REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4

**{CHAPTER 4 DID NOT LOAD PROPERLY AT FIRST. IF YOU READ THE INCORRECT LOAD OF CH. 4 IT HAS NOW BEEN REPLACED WITH THE CORRECT VERSION. SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION.}**

**On **_**Cold Desert**_**:**

**Non-canon.**

**Rated T.**

**POV alternates between Bella and Jasper.**

**Setting (Currently): Parked on the side of a road in Oregon.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But I do own approximately sixteen magazines that are Twilight-related. The pictures, of course, have been cut out for my own personal viewing pleasure.**

Chapter 4.

JASPER'S POV

I don't think he ever knew, but I watched Edward constantly.

When Bella, fragile and strange, came stumbling into his life, his face gained something it had always lacked. Before, one had to look past his handsomeness to realize he was troubled. It wasn't always plain; he hid it well. In fact, his sadness was so difficult to witness, I'm not positive he was even aware of it. But no one could withhold their feelings from me for long, regardless of whether or not they could hide them from themselves.

Their relationship was so interesting. I often thought that a bit of open volatility would help them; he was too soft with her, and I could see that she didn't approve of it. Bella's strong opinions never ceased to cause them strain, but I was impressed with her ability to hold fast to her beliefs and desires.

I observed him interacting with Bella. He would reassure her if she tripped with a gentle touch, quietly argue that she needed to eat when she refused, and nobly remove himself from a situation where she shivered in the cold.

They were all small things, barely noticeable. Yet they made me think that Carlisle or no Carlisle, Edward was the most human of us all.

I wanted to _be_ him.

So I practiced smiling in the mirror in Rosalie's room. I would imagine that our roles were reversed: Edward would be the awkward, scarred bystander, and I the good-looking, easy-going caretaker. I pretended I had someone to watch over, creating situations in my head where I would push past my shyness and take the lead. It was as if I was a soldier again, strategizing. Dimly, I realized it was foolish and even infantile. But I was powerless to stop.

I never thought that I would actually get the chance to fill Edward's shoes. Now, though, it seemed as if I _could_ make-believe I was my brother, if only to help Bella come through this situation whole and mentally sound.

I wasn't doing my job very well.

"When Rosalie chased Chelsea and Afton off, Emmett followed her, leaving the rest of us to listen to you rolling around in pain. It was tense. Carlisle called Eleazar, who lives in Alaska with the Denalis."

Bella blinked slowly. Her pale face was snowy-white with disbelief. I had already told her about the curse. It had killed me to mention Alice's name. But I was even more regretful to say 'Edward'.

Watching Bella's expression curl up over itself, and her hands fly to her waist, as if she was coming apart at the seams was…excruciating. Her emotions were continually either a treat or poison to my system; their was no in-between with her. She was either dying of happiness or sadness.

Either way, she was always dying.

"Why Eleazar?" she asked, pronouncing his name carefully.

Shaking off my morbidity, I replied, "Eleazar used to be one of the Volturi. While he was there, he learned of Chelsea and her gift. He grew tired of the Volturi, and managed to escape with his mate Carmen. Eleazar told Carlisle that Chelsea was not able to break their bond because Afton was not in Italy at the time they left Volterra. Their powers are only compatible if they're together. I guess the Volturi didn't think Eleazar and Carmen were important enough to go after."

"Carlisle needed more information. Eleazar told him that all other cases where Chelsea and Afton used their gift ended in tragedy."

"What do you mean?" Bella whispered, biting her bottom lip.

I winced. She was so easily breakable.

"Apparently, the other couples died."

Just as I expected, Bella's knuckles turned white with the ferocity of her hold on the napkins I had given her moments earlier. It was a pathetic attempt to step into Edward's role. I felt rather foolish for the gesture; after all, she wasn't making very good use of them. They lay in messy shreds on the back seat. Only one had survived her destructive grip.

Bella ripped through the thin material of the napkin, her brown eyes screwed up in despair.

There went the last one. I hoped her mutilation stint would replace a crying jag. From what Edward had told the family, she was quite prone to those. I didn't know if I could handle Bella's tears.

I cleared my throat and reached out to her. At the last moment, I pulled back and knotted my hands together.

"Regardless, the main issue was your…discomfort. The curse had dimmed for the rest of us. But for some reason you didn't stop screaming. Eleazar and Carlisle decided we should separate. And because of my _ability_, I could ease your pain and put you to sleep. We packed a few things, said our goodbyes, and went in opposite directions."

I conveniently failed to mention the disdain with which Alice had brushed my hand, and the distinct lack of any declarations of love that filled the room before she folded into Edward's silver Volvo and was gone.

Bella gulped. The motion drew my attention to her neck. It was pale and creamy, and I could see her pulse thumping in the crook where sinew and vein met to tempt me.

I closed my eyes and focused on her next words, instead of her delicious smell, suddenly saturating the small car. I sent her a wave of calmness, hoping it would lessen the strength of her frantic scent.

"Did they go to the Denalis?" she guessed.

I nodded. "And I'm taking us south. I figured you could use some warm weather."

She smiled weakly, and my insides tightened.

"The pain has already started back up again for me and…the others. I called…him while you were sleeping. Now, it's only speculation, but when Rose lost Chelsea and Afton in the forest Carlisle thinks they were able to ignite the curse again. He and Eleazar are still trying to figure out exactly how it works. Eleazar might have to rejoin the Volturi to get some answers. And of course, Carlisle is reasoning with them. In vain, unfortunately."

Suddenly, I was weary of talking. I put my head in my hands and sighed. I felt too old, too useless. My strength had left me.

Then, a cool hand touched my knee. I raised my head. Bella was gazing at me with her milk-chocolate eyes wide and wet. Tears were flowing over her reddening rims.

"Jasper," she whispered, and I sensed my muscles coming undone.

Almost involuntarily, I erased the space between us.

With my arms around her, she sobbed into my chest. I worried I was suffocating her with the ferocity of my hold, but I could tell she was gripping my shoulder blades with as much force as she was capable of. Even more so, I questioned my control. It was maddening to have a human so close. Yet it was bearable.

We curled up in the backseat. She sat in my lap, soaking my shirt and tearing my heart apart with the sound of her misery.

And though I couldn't cry, I knew that she was shedding my tears for me.

**A/N:**

**Short Chapter. But I am officially erecting an orange sign that reads: "End of Angst".**

**Mostly, this is the worst of it. Sorry the first few chapters have been a real downer. But now, I promise, we'll get in to some fun.**

**I still need more song suggestions for upcoming chapters. It's really quite crucial. If you recommend a song, or even a band, I will make sure to mention you in an Author's Note.**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I give no thanks, however, to those that read and do NOT review. And for those that have added **_**Cold Desert**_** to your Fav/Alert lists without reviewing- come on now. It takes less than a minute to click that green button and tell me what you think. **

**I have gotten over 300 hits for this fic. Serious face. But I have less than 20 reviews! It's really quite frustrating, especially considering the fact that I am a huge review slut. Put yourself in my shoes!**

**Now, I'd like you all to head over to twilifecrisis's fic **_**I'm Okay with It. **_**It's a Kellan Lutz/OC fic, and trust me- it has this ridiculous, novelistic feel to it that sucks you in immediamente.**

**Also, **_**The So Unknown**_** by Slywolf9. It's Jasper/Bella, like mine, but it's insanely popular. I'm betting you've already heard of it. If not, you have now.**

**REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

**On**_** Cold Desert**_**:**

**Non-canon.**

**T for sensuality.**

**POV alternates between Bella and Jasper.**

**Setting: (Still) Parked on the side of a road in Oregon.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do, however, own one New Moon ticket for premiere night. :)**

Chapter 5.

BELLA'S POV

I read somewhere once that crying is the body's way of cleansing itself. After a major emotional upheaval, scientists have proven that messy, unrestrained sobbing leads to a moment of total relaxation and mental ease. It may be short, or instead a long period of cathartic release.

It was true.

I had cried myself stupid, and I honestly couldn't care less about anything. I felt certain that if a giant meteor were about to fall from the sky and crush Carlisle's Mercedes I would not alter my current position.

Which was, strangely enough, on top of Jasper.

My arms were wrapped around his trim waist and my face was pressed into the area I abruptly realized was his upper thigh. I opened my mouth and the rough material of his jeans scraped my teeth. I felt him tense beneath me.

Blushing, I suddenly wished for that meteor.

Raising my head to look through my hair and up at him, I gasped.

His eyes were a full shade darker than before, black as pitch, and his neat brows twisted in what I assumed was pain. Dimly, I became aware of his strong hands clutching the thin fabric of my shirt.

"Jasper," I breathed, frightened.

The material tore cleanly in half along my bent spine. I trembled.

Thinking of Edward in my panic, I cried out. A prized fighter thrust his fist into my gut, and a trash truck ran over my ribs.

Then, Jasper flew out from under me. He opened the car door and sped to the hood, blindingly fast. I watched him sit. He shook his golden head and toyed with the ornate ring on his finger for many minutes. I was afraid to move. At one point, I think I closed my eyes.

Later, he slowly folded back into the driver's seat with a blue bag in his grip. He gently set it down beside me. Jasper placed his hands on the wheel and murmured, "Your clothes are in that bag. I won't watch you change."

I remained still. The shock and fear had faded. Yet something kept me motionless.

Jasper knew what it was, though. He seemed to know me better than I did.

"I can leave the car again if you want. I know it's rude for me to sit here, but there's a police cruiser on the other side of the road. I don't want to draw suspicion, and, frankly, I'd rather sacrifice your sensibilities than your safety."

"No, it's okay." I unzipped the bag then stopped short.

"What?" Jasper asked, turning to face me.

"Police cruiser. Charlie. How do I explain to him what's going on?" I couldn't believe my dad had never crossed my mind.

"It's simple. You tell him you're going on a road trip with our family. You're sorry it's last minute but you wanted to be spontaneous. You know, like a senior trip." He gesticulated as he spoke, and I found myself fascinated with the movement of his hands.

"Bella?" he asked. "Did you hear me?"

Sure I was slack-jawed and starry-eyed, I sensed my cheeks becoming red again. Jasper glanced away.

"Yes," I muttered, "I heard you."

I grabbed a plaid flannel button-down and began to shrug out of my ripped, white cotton t-shirt. I had bought them both at Walmart, so I didn't mind the loss.

I noticed that Jasper wasn't breathing. His knuckles were whiter than usual with strain, grasping the wheel. Instinctively I knew he would not watch me in the rearview mirror. Jasper struck me as a gentleman. A strange sense of disappointment echoed through me.

The steering wheel cover split at the seams. Jasper's hold had snapped the fabric. I didn't know that was even possible.

Shakily, I lifted the ripped shirt over my head and replaced it with the new one. I tried not to think of how exposed I was in the transitory state, wearing only a black bra.

I steeled myself to inhale a few times, ran my hands through my hair, and climbed into the passenger seat.

Jasper, surprised, turned to look at me. He gauged my expression, searching for remaining vestiges of tears and misery.

But I was cleansed. My body felt weary, yet also excited. I felt like a giant bruise, the blood pumping through me with a dull ache.

This was something I had to deal with. It was my lot in life.

For now, anyway…

"Where are we going next? We've been sitting in the same spot for hours. I'm restless."

He blinked. I realized for the first time his eyelashes were ridiculously long. In the dim light caused by typically overcast weather on the northern west coast, I could see they were darkest at the tips.

Fascinated, I didn't hear Jasper ask me what I was staring at. As he repeated himself I broke out of my reverie.

"Is this a common thing for humans? You seem to go off in your own little world." He chuckled hesitantly, lifting a golden-brown brow in my direction.

"No," I told him, smiling. "It's just me."

"Do you do that to everyone?" he asked half-heartedly, repositioning his side mirrors, preparing to drive.

I watched him, categorizing each of his movements in my head. He was like a panther, barely contained. There was subtle power in each of his smallest actions. He was unlike anything I had ever seen before. Even his auburn-haired brother- I creatively skipped over his name in my mental musings- didn't captivate me so thoroughly…so constantly.

And then, as I witnessed his silent, lethal grace, the sun peeked out from the clouds and illuminated his pale flesh. Sparkling beams of iridescence erupted from each invisible pore in his skin. A hand flew to my eyes; the radiance was too bright for my weak, human eyes to bear.

Cool fingers pried my hand away. Jasper peered at me with lightened eyes, more amber than black now, and his beauty stole the air from my lungs. His lovely face was a conflicted mixture of hope and shame. He forced me to look at him. He wouldn't let me hide my eyes. For once, he took the lead.

I sighed. My heart twisted in my chest. The high collar he wore shielded the majority of his throat scars. But a few were still visible and they drew my attention. I leaned forward and gently stroked them.

He threw his head back, utterly relaxed.

I grinned tentatively. An odd happiness soared through me.

"No," I replied quietly. "It's just you."

**A/N:**

**First of all I want to apologize for the horrendously long time since my last update. To be honest, I had the worst possible case of writer's block and all my attempts at Chapter 5. were for shit. But I knew I had to update soon- so forgive me if you don't like this chappie. Just know I worked harder on this one than any of the others.**

**Second, a huge thanks goes out to anyone who reviewed- you know who you are. And to the people that Alert me or Fav me without even one measly review- WTF? I appreciate you boosting my hits but come on now. If I don't get up to at least 35 reviews by the time I post Chapter 6, I'm going to seriously consider leaving _Cold Desert_ to rot. I feel very undervalued. And if you're an author, you should have some understanding of the importance of reviews.**

**I don't want to come off as a bitch. So, basically, do the right thing.**

**On a personal, inter-fan-based note...did anyone else see the leaked third New Moon trailer? I swear to God I DIED. It's the best one out yet by far and I cannot wait until November. Fav part was when Bella was drowning and Edward was next to her in the water. Ah-mazing. Also, the very last few seconds were so intense- I almost cried like a baby when Edward was getting thrown around.**

**Kristen Stewart is a fantastic actress. I simply can't abide anyone saying anything against her. She has made Bella who she is in a more tangible way than S.M.**

**Send in songs for _Cold Desert_ and I'll mention you in one of my famously long-ass Author's Notes.**

**REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

**On _Cold Desert_:**

**Non-canon.**

**Rated T.**

**Music plays a large role in _Cold Desert_.**

**Setting: Highway in Oregon.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Or 'Tears for Fears'. Though I do own their 'Songs From the Big Chair' LP.**

Chapter 6.

JASPER'S POV

"Oh, please no. Bella that's not a CD I listen to. Honestly, I don't even know where it came from-" I growled in frustration as the brunette vixen slyly removed the disk from its case.

"Lighten up, Jasper," she said, winking at me from the passenger seat. "They're my favorite eighties band."

I couldn't help but smile, and since I wasn't fond of the band, I had to accept that it was Bella's milk-chocolate eyes that drew me in. Her long dark hair was blowing in the fierce breeze; every tinted window in the car was rolled down.

I knew that even though the light from the sun was dim my skin was slightly sparkling. She seemed to like it, constantly throwing glances my way, focusing intently on me until I purposely shifted, coughed, or otherwise moved so as to lead her attention away.

It hurt me to do so, which was strange. I found that I valued her adoration more than the harsh desire her fragrant scent inspired. I could battle my darker desires for the sense that I was special. She gave me this so freely, so quickly.

I was sure I'd never leave the sunlight's path if she would only stare at me always.

But I didn't want her to become embarrassed. Not for her sake- I was too selfish for that. No, I broke her reverie in such a way that I was confident she would continue to look back.

I was, after all, as proven by my old war days, quite the evil mastermind.

"The eighties were the best musical era," I commented quietly.

Her expression changed drastically: she became shocked and a new blush stole across her cheekbones.

"What's wrong?"

She giggled. "No contest. The eighties were all about real artists who wrote their own music, and actually had _talent_. Nothing's new today, everything seems fake…"

I sat still, categorizing the fervor of her words in my head. I turned, though, when she sank down into her seat. I watched her face crumple. A rusty bullet shot through my unmoving heart.

"Bella?" I stretched out a hand to her and she batted it away.

"Nothing, I'm just embarrassed. You think I'm a weirdo now." She folded her thin arms.

I raised a brow at her, gauging my own sudden irritation. "No, I don't. And you shouldn't hit me like that, you'll only hurt yourself."

She was a stubborn minx. I could taste her anger on my tongue. It was bitter and delicious.

I sensed her reaction before she knew how she would retaliate. Her small, pale hand darted out. I snatched it from the air and slipped my hand through the space between us, landing a blow on her shoulder. I tried to lessen my strength to that of a human's. It would smart but I tried not to cause her too much pain. She cried out; it was more in surprise than actual discomfort, I thought.

"See? That's what you get."

We sat in utter silence for a few minutes. I'm sure she was waiting for an apology, for me to beg for forgiveness. I was not Edward. And I had never felt a stronger urge to break her. Just moments before I had experienced such emotion because of her sadness. Out of the odd pair of us, I was the 'weirdo'.

After a while, she uncrossed her thin arms. Without any resistance or drama, she picked up the CD from where it had fallen and slid it into its player.

The whining strains of 'Tears for Fears' filled Carlisle's Mercedes.

"This is a good one," she told me quietly.

_Welcome to your life  
There's no turning back  
Even while we sleep  
We will find you acting on your best behavior  
Turn your back on Mother Nature  
Everybody wants to rule the world_

Bella's pink lips were moving in sync with the words, though no sound left them. Her thin brows hitched, and from the corner of my eye I could see her shoot me a worried look.

Hastily, I threw myself into what I hoped was an accurate semblance of Edward's brain. Eventually I surfaced, deciding that she was concerned that I would judge her. Me. Judge _her_.

Even now the strong, delicious smell of her blood wafted past my nose and I had to struggle with myself to not lunge across the middle console, bend her long, smooth neck back and…

Regardless of the insanity of her thought process, she had to know it was okay for her to be herself with me. Fully.

Damn it, what would Edward do? Perfect, golden Edward with his serene smiles and martyred mind…

Fortunately I had a good memory. And this song was a hit back in the day…

_It's my own design  
It's my own remorse  
Help me to decide  
Help me make the most  
Of freedom and of pleasure  
Nothing ever lasts forever  
Everybody wants to rule the world_

I gulped. The motion was needless, and it sent a shock through my dry throat.

This was ridiculous. Any self-respecting male vampire would never stoop this low…it was similar to me flipping hamburgers at a fast-food restaurant; the absurdity was the same.

Then I thought of Bella and her unrestrained beaming…as well as how much I desired the white flash of joy off her teeth…

Staring straight ahead, clamping the wheel tightly, I opened my mouth and quietly began to sing.

_There's a room where the light won't find you  
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down  
When they do I'll be right behind you__So glad we've almost made it  
So sad they had to fade it  
Everybody wants to rule the world_

Wincing I cut my eyes over to the stark-white human in my passenger seat.

Her mouth hung open, and the corners tilted upward in a half-hysterical grin.

We came to a red light. Embarrassed, I reached forward, fully prepared to yank the entire stereo from the car. Carlisle could pay for it.

Faster than I thought possible, Bella grabbed my hand. The irony was overwhelming. Her warm grip was soft but unyielding. Her lips twisted into a flattered smirk.

I felt more than myself in that instant, teetering on the vast edge of rejection and acceptance. It was my life in a nutshell.

The music pounded into a gentle refrain, and Bella's tentative voice filled my ears and overwhelmed my senses.

_I can't stand this indecision…_

_Say that you'll never need it…_

Overwhelmed with relief, I slammed into the next verse along with her, completely uncaring of anything but the sensation of my voice and hers colliding.

And in that moment I closed my eyes, though I could feel Bella's gaze burning a hole through me. If the intensity of her focus were a tangible jet of flame, I would be on fire. Yet it would be a pleasant torching, a slow singeing of each individual nerve.

The guitar pounded into my head and I wondered which make it was, or what amp the guitarist had used in this recording. Then, my mind traveled back to Bella.

It was always back to her, wasn't it?

_All for freedom and for pleasure  
Nothing ever lasts forever  
Everybody wants to rule the world_

I hit the gas and sped off down the road, as if nothing had ever occurred there, in that particular stretch of road.

Bella's mile-long legs, sheathed in plain blue jeans, hung out the window casually, and she never ceased her mediocre croon. I grew very fond of the unremarkable tone she possessed. It was rough, but suited perfectly to her.

"Alright. My turn." I rooted around in the mess and discovered my second favorite eighties staple.

"Darlin', you'd better watch out. 'The Police' are coming!"

Her answering laugh bubbled down the Oregon highway, trailing behind us like a flag in the wind.

**A/N:**

**First I'd like to apologize for the longest time between updates in history. I have been dealing with family drama. Not to mention I underwent four re-writes of this chapter- one when I lost the file it was under, another when I realized the next draft was shit, and a third when I lost THAT file...on purpose.**

**Here's the fourth version. Hope it doesn't disappoint. **

**I was blown away by the amount of reviews I received after Slywolf9 recc'd me in her fic. Thanks, Sly!**

**And thank YOU, readers. Please continue to read and rev, despite my long absence from the circuit.**

**There are many readers I'd like to specifically mention: r3dkirby, KGWulf, silverdrip, JDRAST, and omgiluffbleachvampires. Their reviews were extra special and I appreciate the time it took for them to truly pick apart the story and give great reviews. The other revs were just as amazing! And if the revs for this chapter are just as good, I'll have ALOT of readers to mention in Chapter 7.**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you- for the song reccs, revs, and hits.**

**Tell me what you think, as always, about this chappie. The song, the mood...don't worry, btw. I plan to infuse the story with more of Chelsea and Afton, as well as Jasper/Bella...ahem, _tension_. **

**GO BUY 'BRAND NEW EYES'!**

**REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7

**On _Cold Desert_:**

**Non-canon.**

**Rated T.**

**Music heavily influences _Cold Desert_.**

**Setting: (The most unlikely of places for any vampire to frequent) McDonalds, Walmart, and a Motel 6.**

**Disclaimer: I do not, in fact, own Twilight. This should not be surprising. **

BELLA'S POV

Chapter 7.

My stomach growled as ferociously as…well, an angry vampire.

Jasper's lips turned up in the corners. He reached for the volume knob on the stereo, turning it down until the thunderous drum beats of The Scorpions faded into a faint pulse. It was nearly sacrilege.

"It's nothing," I assured him hastily. "I'm really not hungry." Just then my stubborn human insides betrayed me, issuing forth an obnoxious whine. I offered the blonde immortal a shrug and casually reached for the stereo. He gently tugged my hand away and wheeled us into a wide arc, heading for the nearest fast food restaurant. Yellow arches against a red background caught my eye and I groaned, leaning my head tiredly against the seat.

"Jasper I don't want to stop. I'm having too much fun."

He appraised me with a heavy-lidded gaze, his black eyes probing. "Really? I am, too. But we don't need to stay in the car to have fun. Actually, I'm going fairly stir-crazy. And…_we_," he said, clearly referring to vampires, "Are usually content with stillness. So you and I are getting out of this accursed vehicle, or you might just become collateral damage."

I raised my eyebrows, shocked. "You're hungry, too?"

He laughed. "A little. Mostly I just wanted _you_ to admit you're hungry." He chuckled. The sound was sandpaper over wood.

His hand had never left my own. I dimly realized the sensation was pleasant. Too pleasant.

Drawing in a shaky breath I waited for him to remove his palm from mine.

Jasper threw the Mercedes into park. He looked at me. His eyes slid out of focus and my heart stopped. It was-

_Hands, trailing along the low waistband of my jeans, writhing, the small car confining, uncomfortable position against the inner console, windows fogging, lips migrating from ears to collar, snakeskin boots on the dash-_

"Bella?"

Jasper's voice brought me back to reality. I shook myself. Whatever that had been- a vision, a hallucination- I had liked it far too much.

---

McDonalds was an American staple, and I admitted to Jasper in the line that I liked the restaurant. Sure, it was greasy and fattening but the food stuck to your ribs and tasted great going down.

I was ravenous.

"So, what'll it be?" Jasper asked me, removing his thick wallet from the back pocket of his faded Levi's. I knew better than to argue over who should foot the bill.

"A Big-Mac, a large fry, an apple pie, and a coke. Please."

He nodded at the cashier. "You heard the woman."

Jazz handed me my cup and I went to find a table. He came back with my food and I wolfed it down. In between bites of burger and bread, I interrogated him.

"Where are we going next?"

"I have no idea."

"Are we checking into a motel? It's almost dark."

"Possibly."

"Are you being deliberately difficult?

He grinned. "Yes."

"Finally," I grumbled. "A straight answer."

"Let's pick up some food for the road. There's a grocery store in the shopping center across the street. What do you want?"

I choked on my Coke in my haste to answer. "Blueberry pop-tarts!"

We walked around the Super-Walmart for a solid hour. I think we just enjoyed the time out of the Mercedes. I wondered why- or perhaps _how_- Jasper could be restless. He was a vampire, and from what I knew of them they did not tire of routine easily. I supposed he was different from his kind and kin in that aspect as well. Would the dissimilarities never cease? My mind was spinning; it was if I had to now re-learn everything I thought I knew about the 'undead'.

I glanced at him. His tawny kind of loveliness was odd to me in this light. He seemed unreal, without form or substance. Once, I tried to touch him, aching, and masked the motion by reaching past him for a box of raisins. I was embarrassed. But I inhaled, and then casually placed the cardboard container in the cart and took his right palm in my left. My cheeks flamed; the contact was almost too intimate for me to bear.

I attempted to play it off carelessly- and of course, tripped over my own two feet and into a laundry detergent display. Damn gravity to hell.

Jasper caught me with an elegant, extending motion that made my breath stop in my throat. He was all limbs, long arms and longer legs. Wiry, barely contained…like a wild cat pacing in a cage at the zoo.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine, except for my wounded ego," I muttered. Unknowingly, I waited for him to pass along a comment about my own pained statement. But he remained silent, simply smiling, and re-gluing his hand to mine.

Another difference between him and the rest of the coven I'd come to love: no other Cullen or Hale would have skipped over that opportunity to either tease me or lecture me on the importance of self-confidence.

"Anything else?"

I pondered his question. "Well, there is one other thing."

He ran his free hand through his tousled mane. "Alright, what is it and where can we find it?" He chuckled, though it seemed as if the sound didn't come naturally or easily to him. And I desperately wanted it to.

"Do as I do," I demanded. I dropped his hand and hopped onto the back of our shopping cart. "Get a running start!" I called, and then gained momentum…rolling…flying…down the convenient handicap ramps and back up onto level ground. Or tile, really.

I screamed with pleasure, with fear and adrenaline. I knew instinctually he was behind me, beside me. Soon he was inside of me and we were no longer two separate beings. His emotions swelled out to include me in their swirl, and I could sense my own consuming him; the expression on his face tore my world apart. I had never felt like this. Connected, we zoomed through the aisles, but in our minds we were in a different, better place…

_There were snow-topped mountains in the distance, and desert sands rising and falling like a great wave. Then, it was only heat and fever and heart and tears. The moon broke apart. We cut it up into well-proportioned slices and swallowed them whole. A coyote howled somewhere, most likely stage left, and we drifted on the notes of its hunger and happiness…_

The manager eventually received word of our childish escapades. He allowed us to pay for the items in our cart, but ultimately, we were escorted from the premises. Laughing the entire time, Jasper and I must have been quite a sight.

Later, he went hunting. I stayed in the car on the side of the road as he dove into the woods and resurfaced forty-five minutes later. His eyes were a light, buttery gold when he returned.

I welcomed him back with a touch of my fingers to his leg and soon I fell asleep, dreaming of shopping carts and feelings.

My head was in his lap when I awoke. We were sliding into a parking space at a hotel.

"I hope you don't mind Motel 6," he said, chortling.

"Not at all," I answered, blushing as he took my hand and helped me from the car. This scene, to any on-looking passerby, would undoubtedly cast heavy connotations. I couldn't refrain from thinking with disappointment that those views would be all too false.

We checked into a room. Singular. There were two beds. Immediately, I jumped in the shower. I felt disgusting in more ways than one; I certainly didn't want Jasper to pick up on what I was feeling right at this instant. Though as I removed my jeans and shirt, I wondered if it made any difference. He could 'read' me more than Edward-

Pain, immediate pain. It shot through my body and I bent over, clutching my waist. Gritting my teeth, I tried not to scream.

It all happened so quickly; one moment I was on the floor in agony, and the next, I was in Jasper's strong arms. As abruptly as it had come, the discomfort vanished. He smelled like a sort of…military Santa Claus. I bit back a chuckle.

"Bella?" he asked incredulously.

I continued to laugh, and then realized I was in a scandalous state of undress. I scrambled to free myself from him.

He let me go, sitting back on his haunches and tilting his head. I grabbed a towel and hastily tied it around my body.

"You know," Jasper told me, his golden eyes flashing, and white teeth brilliantly illuminated in the ultra-fine, ultra-white hotel lighting, "I've never noticed before but…" He shook his head, as if enjoying some secret joke.

Instantly, my anger flared. He was making fun of me! Affronted, I turned from him and began fiddling furiously with the tiny shampoo bottles.

Then, his cool hand was on the exposed small of my back, and I was pressing into him, inhaling the unique fragrance of him, all anger forgotten. He moved his fingers along my spine and I stiffened. Just like the hallucination from earlier, in the Mercedes, I liked the sensation too much.

I think I whispered something. I'm not sure what I said. But, too quickly for my human eyes to catch, he was gone.

'Don't think about it, don't think about _him_.'

Even to myself, I wasn't sure whom I was referring to.

The stinging, semi-stale water of the shower beat down upon me like sunlight, warm Arizona rays, and I longed for something familiar. My memory was only too happy to oblige me.

I cried a little there, in the Motel 6 shower. I allowed the memories to run their course. It was Edward, and we were happy and in love.

Yet I also cried because threatening to pierce the once-constant flow of Edward's name, Jasper's interfered. Then it was the almond shape of his eyes, and his long, smooth mane of hair. And his voice, and scent, and _feel_.

I knew now that this trip, urged on by the need to escape Forks, was making me feel more than I'd ever wanted…

From outside the shower's noise and the small bathroom walls I could hear the sound of a stereo thumping to life, and with it my heart restarted its own rhythm.

"I've been in love before" by The Cutting Crew played, and I smiled; Jasper had always been one for irony.

**A/N:**

**Sorry once again for the delay in updating. To be honest I was waiting to see if perhaps more reviews would come my way. Alas, they did not. **

**I'm not going to bitch about revs this chapter...if you're an author you understand the importance of critiques and praise. All I'm gonna stress is that my dedication to this story wavers more each day- so if you genuinely like _Cold Desert..._some decent revs (or even reccs) would go a long way.**

**Thank you again to those of you that DID review Chapter 6. And to all the new readers, welcome aboard! I hope you enjoy the ride.**

**Also, thank you for the song reccomendations. They were all extremely helpful and I'm planning on using a few in _CD._**

**Specifically, I'd like to acknowledge J. DRAST for taking the time to PM me about _CD._ She was concerned I had stopped writing the story. Well, I didn't. This one's for you. I'm flattered someone would care so much about my story. **

**Let me know what you think about this chappie. It's sort of a turning point for Bella, when she realizes she's attracted to Jasper. (Who wouldn't be? Can I get an 'amen?')**

**REVIEW!**


	8. Chapter 8

**On _Cold Desert_:**

**Rated T.**

**NON-CANON (-stressed for emphasis)**

**Musically-driven.**

**Prose-ish at times.**

**Setting: Motel 6 in Oregon.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or any of the bands, logos, or companies mentioned in previous chapters. Though I wish I owned Jasper.**

JASPER'S POV

I paused as I made to turn the speaker up louder; my head seemed to explode, or perhaps implode, because it suddenly felt concave. There were pictures in my mind, and feelings racing up each of my scarred limbs; neither the images nor the sensations were my own. I could almost taste an outside force pushing, prodding…shoving scenes I would never want to see into my brain.

_Careful touches of hands to faces, bloodless blushing…fists closing around black, spiky hair, sighing… a name said lustfully in a voice I knew all too well…_

A rampant pain shot through my arm. Carlisle had once told me it was a sign of an impending heart attack or stroke. But that was impossible- my heart had not pulsed out a single beat for hundreds of years.

I shook myself, wildly throwing my thoughts around, searching for an explanation…while rationalities eluded me.

I tried to find a possible theory to justify the vision. The first option: I was going crazy from hunger. No, that can't be right, I realized. I just ate. Second, the combination of Bella's dramatic emotions and my own were stretching me too thin mentally. This was possible, if not entirely probable.

I could only decide that it was an errant hallucination, a daydream…

Because the implications of the vivid vision were too strong and unbelievable; my pixie, my Alice had been murmuring, "Edward."

_Catch my breath close my eyes  
Don't believe a word  
Things she said overheard  
Something wrong inside  
It's you admit it  
Then you know you're in it _

That strong sense of relief I'd found nestled at the base of Alice's emotional core shocked me, to say the least. I thought she loved me beyond reason; now I wasn't so confident.

Beyond me Bella, beautiful and haunted, sobbed because of the mere memory of her lost lover. The physical pain was only momentary, I knew; and though she was just human I was sure she was tougher than Edward made everyone believe.

_Just human_. My own thoughts circled back forcefully to knock at the sides of my cranium and demand further reflection. She was more than that. Very quickly, it seemed that she was becoming…everything.

_I've been in love before  
I've been in love before  
The hardest part is when you're in it  
I've been in love before  
I've been in love before _

I leaned against the shabby bed for support. Suddenly, I felt too tired for investigations of my inner being. All I knew was I could not, for the moment, have my own beloved. And that even far away, she did not want me.

All the signs were there: we hadn't made love for decades. She hated the sight of my naked flesh; sometimes, she would force me to wear long sleeves or turtlenecks simply to hide the scars she so despised. I attempted to convince myself that it was her love of me that urged on hatred of my body- perhaps she couldn't bear to imagine the vampires ripping at me with their teeth in battle. But now, with this…this unknown, lurking _otherness_ I'd never been aware of…

And then there was Bella.

She was hypnotized by the sun-sparkling of my diamond skin, however flawed. I was shy by nature, and uncertain of myself. But she was swiftly instilling in me unbidden, almost foreign feelings of happiness, contentment, and even more, _worthiness._

_Just one touch just one look  
A dangerous dance  
One small word can make me feel  
Like running away  
You can't say you're in it no  
Until you reach the limit_

There was a stirring in the bathroom. Rushing water was halted, leaving only a quiet dripping from the showerhead in its place. The plastic, transparent curtain was drawn back almost roughly and I could easily discern the soft rustling of a towel. The fabric met skin with an almost unrecognizable hiss.

I closed my eyes. I hadn't endured pain of this magnitude in a long while. I was forcing myself to accept that Alice loved me no longer, in order to save myself future agony, and now, thrown into the swirling mix was Bella…

Bella, Bella, _Bella. _My throat ached.

Did I feel more for her than just brotherly affection? Or more than the usual thirst for human blood? I knew what she was doing to me, though I wasn't sure why. She was reaching inside my chest and tugging on the strings that supported my heart. They were red, and bleeding, weathered down by her slow insistence. There was a glowing inside of me, yet also a cautious burn. She was causing a whirlwind within me- guilt and yearning, hunger and a very non-vampiric _want._

In the bathroom, minutes before…she had whispered my name. My name and nothing else. And that was enough to push the venom throughout my body in raw waves, exciting me.

Did she know?

Had she guessed?

I gasped with the sudden knowledge that I was, impossibly and against all odds, falling for Bella Swan.

_I've been in love before  
I've been in love before  
The hardest part is when you're in it  
I've been in love before  
I've been in love before _

---

When Bella finally sank into slumber that night, I knew instantly.

I'd been watching her instead of the television. She had half-heartedly searched the channels until a movie with (who I thought might be) Gwyneth Paltrow caught her attention. Then, she'd snuggled up with a box of blueberry pop-tarts at the foot of her bed; I was at the head of my own. She nibbled on the frosted pastries, eating them cold, and I observed her as she occasionally threw her hair back over her thin shoulder. The motion entranced me. Her long tresses were still damp, and the sound the strands made as they smacked lightly against her back was almost too tempting. From a distance I could smell her- she was mouthwatering, a personal perfume combining strawberries and soap and flowers and _female _utterly surrounding her.

Bella laughed sometimes, or a small smile would appear on her lips. Twice, I caught her peeking at me through her peripheral.

Sometime around midnight, her eyes started to close. She was in the middle of a sentence, discussing the movie with me, and suddenly her lids were pale and closed against the shadow of her cheeks. Her mouth was still partially open; I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, not that I could do either easily. The pose was almost comical, but it was a testament to both her helpless exhaustion and rare loveliness that I didn't chuckle- she was so tired and traumatized from the past few day's events she couldn't even keep her eyes open long enough to finish a thought. And though it was sad on one level, on another I found her breathtakingly gorgeous. I supposed I'd have to get over that soon.

"Bella?" I questioned softly, not wanting to disturb her, but knowing she'd snap back awake in a few moments anyway.

She smiled sleepily at me and said, "Sorry. Like I was saying…" She continued her original statement, something about dialogue and subtlety and ill-fated lovers.

I agreed with her vocally, while noncommittally bobbing my head. Her lazy brown eyes distracted me; they were set like rough stones into the sugar-white face I was beginning to cherish.

Satisfied with my response, she curled into a position not dissimilar to that of a feline's. One graceful hand on her throat, the other grasping the remote, she murmured my name.

All of my nerves sparked to life at once. "Yes?"

It seemed like she struggled with her phrasing for a second, and then whispered, "I always thought…_he_ was my Romeo. But I don't want to die like Juliet did. Their story is just too heartbreaking. Maybe I want to live forever."

She was delirious in her fatigue. I wasn't sure how to reply.

It didn't matter; she was asleep nearly immediately. I turned off the television and covered her with blankets. I watched her for a long while. I desperately wanted to lay next to her, feel her warmth. But I couldn't give in; it would taste too much like surrender. It would feel like betrayal.

I mulled over her words all night…

Finally, I found the answer.

She didn't have to be Juliet. Because I was not Romeo.

If.

If my developing love progressed…if I confessed…if she _chose _me…

I would give her what she asked for, what she _wanted_. That, I theorized, was the main difference between Edward and I. I could never deny her- if she wanted to live forever, I would make it so.

Like two jagged pieces of a puzzle, we fit together. As a pair, united, we were the solution to the blight of being star-crossed. Domino squares leaning against one another- presumably, she would die if she chose him.

Dizzied, I slid into a mental spiral of nonsense, losing all reason in my confused mind. I had abruptly become in touch with a dramatic tendency I hadn't realized existed. I shook myself.

There was more, though, lurking…an ingredient in the potion that would free us, release _her…_

"Just being Bella is enough," I breathed into her ear, as the morning dawn broke through the thin cream-colored curtain. She stirred, sighing contentedly in her unconsciousness.

I sat back, smiling…

Then Alice filled my mind and I drowned once more in grey waves of self-reproach.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the reviews, Favorites, and Alerts. You guys are truly the best readers. I can't believe I broke one hundred revs. I. Am. Blown.**

**I debated whether to take this story in the direction this chapter indicates it may be heading...the whole Edward/Alice thing. I've gotten quite a few requests for that particular pairing to pop up...I'm still wavering. But you, the readers and revvers are my feedback, and I trust your suggestions will help make _CD_ the best it can be. **

**Gracias _mas _for all the song reccs. I'd like to specifically mention KG Wulf and JaspersPrincess213. Amazing revs, fantastic reccs. Also, serious acknowledgement to anyone who gave me an 'amen'. I cracked up at the response I recevied from just that one closing comment in my previous A/N.**

**How'd ya like 'The Cutting Crew'? I fell in love with these lyrics...they fit perfectly...and again, are following the eighties theme. Sue me.**

**Also, should I change my summary for _CD_? A reader suggested that to me and I'm wondering what the rest of you think. Ideas, please!**

**Anyway, please keep reviewing. **

**As of now, FOUR DAYS UNTIL NEW MOON!!! I'm positively weeping with excitement.**

**Should I try it again? I think I shall...can I get an amen?**

**REVIEW!**


	9. Chapter 9

**On _Cold Desert_:**

**Rated T.**

**NON-CANON**

**Setting: Oregon**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Though I do own Jackson Rathbone. (In my mind.)**

Chapter 9.

BELLA'S POV

When I awoke, Jasper was gone.

The first moments of consciousness were entirely blissful. Through the thin cream-colored hotel curtains a wide swath of sunlight cut across the room, warming my face. The remnants of a pleasant dream forgotten still filled my head, and I stretched slowly, groaning with a quiet sort of reluctance to disturb the peaceful atmosphere. I was loath to open my eyes, but an insistent reminder of constant company only added to the enjoyable nature of the morning.

His bed was empty, made. And the room was vacant. I panicked, breath choking in my throat. Deep memories of abandonment instilled terror. Paralyzed, I gasped for air, yanking at the covers.

Then, cold hands tugged at my claw-like grip on the blankets, and a soft voice gentled my fear.

"Bella," he whispered. "Bella it's alright. I'm here."

I turned in the sheets and threw my arms around Jasper's neck, feeling vaguely ridiculous but unable to calm completely. His influence surrounded me, removed sensations of fear and loss. I exhaled.

"I'm sorry," I told him. My voice sounded muffled, but my mouth did not meet fabric; I was pressed tight against the icy contours of a bare chest.

I could sense my brows flying far above the barriers of my forehead, and panic transformed into acute embarrassment. I think I made a noise, an unacceptable exclamation of shock and Jasper, ever the gentleman, pulled back. _That_ wouldn't do.

Despite my humiliation I couldn't seem to stop my body from acting of its own accord.

"No," came the sound from my lips, and though even subconsciously I was aware I was not strong enough to keep him if he wanted to go, his frame bent when my fingers found purchase in his hair. A satisfied sigh entered the room, but I wasn't sure whether it was his or mine. I moved my face along his hard skin, and dizzily wondered if the awed flickering of my lashes against his chest were discernible.

His muscles contracted beneath me, waking me from my insensible stupor. My hands fell loose, and I froze. He understood. I watched as he walked to the bathroom, human speed at first, then accelerating so that the sunlight diamonded off him like a disco ball. Twenty-six seconds later he emerged with a small smile and a long-sleeved shirt. It was green, and made his blonde mane appear stark and blatant.

I smoothed my hair over my shoulders and looked at him.

"Can you hand me my pop tarts?" I asked.

He kindly obliged.

---

Later, when the awkwardness had only minutely dissolved, Jasper explained to me that it would be wiser to wait till twilight before heading out again.

"I mean, you're free to go if you want," he said, catching himself, running a hand through his golden hair in, what I'd come to realize was, a sign of nervousness. "It's just I'd rather stay with you, in case something were to happen."

I grinned wryly. "I may be human, but I can usually take care of myself."

He blinked fawn lashes. "Of course. I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't. Ed- I mean, my brother asked me to not let you out of my sight." Jasper chuckled halfheartedly. "Seems a bit overbearing but I did promise him."

I had tensed at Jasper's near-slip. "Well, I saw a bookstore in the plaza. Can't I go in and look around?"

His lips parted, as if to hastily reply, and then they closed, like he was restraining a too-swift answer. I watched his knuckles turn a shade paler than the rest of him while he pondered my tricky request.

I was prepared for him to deny me, to refuse to allow me walk further than the expanse of tacky carpet permitted- in other words, only to the deadbolt door. I waited for a few moments, growing anxious as Jasper's face twisted in real deliberation.

"Sure," he finally said, shocking me. "Could you just do me a favor and make sure you take your phone with you?"

I knew that my mouth had fallen agape, and that Jazz's own expression was conflicted but set.

I wasn't positive _why_ I was so astounded to hear Jasper's affirmative response. In retrospect, asking to walk to the bookstore seemed ridiculous; I was eighteen, an adult. I hardly needed permission for anything. Jasper's answer should have been easier than it was, but I knew that it was simpler than any reply to risky requests I'd received in a while.

"Bella? Is that okay?"

I gazed upon the features I'd become so accustomed to: a hitch there, purple shadows dusted below almond-shaped eyes, a ridge along his jaw line announcing the territory of scars…

Already, he'd changed me. I found myself scrambling to remember what my Romeo looked like, reflexively, ignoring the knife between third and fourth rib, and was scared to only grasp misty, half-formed memories.

"Bella?" he repeated, apprehensiveness lacing his tone.

"No," I finally said. "Forget it. I'd rather just stay here and talk with you."

His brow arched in confusion. I watched him search my face for some explanation. Finding none, I assumed, he shook his head.

"Okay," he surrendered, exasperated. "Okay."

---

He told me war stories.

We sat on my bed. At first I bounced around with eagerness. But soon his low voice pulled me under and I slowed, entranced.

Jasper's tales yanked me to a place with gray uniforms and guns. It was not always pleasant- in fact, most of what he said bordered raw devastation. But every moral, every personal coil in the fabric of the stories shifted the scene to one less intense, more lighthearted. It's not that he tried to shield me from the horror of his past- his mindset had simply grown from the awfulness of long ago. He'd matured, and my mind raced to keep up with each milestone he passed; it seemed as if he never stopped gaining wisdom, even when his biological clock had shuddered and broke.

His friends and family were faded memories, whereas each vampiric recollection was clear as day. He said it was a commonality with the modification of mortal to immortal.

"Human memories can disappear altogether if we let them," Jasper said, his mind obviously in another time and place. Somehow my hand had crept across the bed and slipped into his; Jazz made no sign that it bothered him, or even that he'd noticed, so there my hand remained.

"You know," he murmured, peering up at me through his hair, a mulish expression on his handsome face, "You're actually a lot stronger than most probably peg you for."

I withdrew my hand from his loose grip, blushing. "Sorry!"

His dark golden eyes widened. "No, I didn't mean that. It's just that…_certain people_," he worded gingerly, while taking my hand again, "are under the impression that you're…delicate, weak. But you can really handle anything that comes your way. It's impressive."

I blinked. "Really?" I asked, flabbergasted.

"Yeah. I always sort of thought there was more to you than meets the eye." He grew quiet for a moment, glanced toward the darkening sky outside the long windows. "He always treated you like you were made of china," Jazz muttered. "You don't like it, do you?"

If I had been startled before, now my jaw truly touched my collar. I wasn't sure how to answer; it felt like an insult to him- Edward, waiting out the days somewhere in pain. I was hardly suffering at all…thanks to Jasper.

My reply could be simple, honest. But how would that make _me_ seem? Disloyal, I supposed. Ungrateful, even. But I knew that somehow, Jasper had hit the nail on the head.

I drew a shaky breath. "No," I said. "I don't. And you're different, too. Everyone always makes it sound as if you can't be around humans without jumping on their necks. You haven't lost control with me, or anyone else. _That's_ impressive."

He grinned hesitantly, apparently unable to find an appropriate response to my compliment. "It's dark enough now. Wanna head out?"

I nodded, grabbed my shoes. I tried to hide my blush- and failed miserably.

---

We wandered around the plaza with unmistakable disinterest; the bookstore was pathetic, a shabby excuse for American classics; redneck how-to-guides on skinning large game covered the crooked shelves. Each graphic rendition of the fall of deer, elk, even moose caught Jasper's attention. But only momentarily- polite to a fault, he knew very considerately when it was time to make our exit. I think we just enjoyed each other's company, no matter the setting.

There was, however, a music studio that reminded me of another immortal- an unspoken understanding of the other compelled both Jasper and I to turn in our tracks and cut a path to the double doors. It was strange walking hand in hand with Edward's brother- the guilt hadn't laid down on me full length yet, but I instinctively assumed it was coming. Still, I couldn't seem to ignore each pang of sadness that came when our twisted palms were forced to separate: parting through small crowds in stores, or when Jasper kindly opened a door for me. When Edward's name continued to break through my mind and send shockwaves through my body, I made a promise to myself to take each moment as it came…and save the rest for another day.

"Guitars, drums, keyboards…oh my!" I joked dryly as we entered.

The gilded ivory piano in the corner of the room caused unwise consideration. I knew it was wrong, and that I risked his unpredictable temper, not to mention my constant re-realization of self-wretchedness, but I couldn't refrain from asking.

"Do you play?"

Jasper snorted, running a ravaged hand through his honey-colored mane. "No. I tried once. Edward wanted me to learn. That was fun." He sat down on the piano bench, his fingers hovering over the keys. His expression distorted into one of helplessness. I ached, wishing he would look at me, his amber eyes sparkling like I remembered. His sudden moodiness was brought on by one thing: me.

"It took the better part of six months till I could play 'Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star.' Rosalie was so ashamed that I couldn't do something so simple, when Edward played Mozart's requiem with ease." He laughed nervously, glancing at me out of his periphery. "I like the guitar better, anyway," he muttered, rotating on the bench and turning away.

Sorrow shot through me with the swiftness of a bullet breaking skin, and I hated myself. Jasper shifted, raising his left brow curiously.

"What's wrong?" he said.

I grimaced with real and acute regret. "I'm sorry," I told him. "I shouldn't have brought it up." I rubbed my arm furiously in a lame attempt to distract both him and myself from my traitorous emotions. "It's just, I feel as if I'm testing you. I don't realize it until afterward. But it's unfair, and Edward isn't-"

Jasper grasped my shoulders and stared intensely into my eyes. "Bella, it's okay. Don't force yourself to say his name. I understand: you love him. I've never seen a love like yours. I'm not sure if I've even felt it…it must be so hard for you." His rough voice shook with sympathy, and I could sense his influence reaching out to calm me.

Suddenly, I was angry. I didn't want his pity; I didn't want to be calmed. I wanted the pretense between us to end. I wanted him to let go of his inhibitions and realize that I thought he was just as amazing as his brother. I wanted to make him feel, as he had never before. He deserved it.

I reached for Jasper's perfect face and crushed my lips against his.

* * *

**A/N:**

**First, apologies for the lengthy period of time I've spent away from fanfiction. I honestly haven't spent much time on the computer at all. What with school, and family, I just haven't had the time. Besides that, me NOT updating is also because that little syndrome called 'writer's block' was wicked strong. If what I wrote didn't sound entirely good, I sorta felt obligated to erase the chapter and start over. I did that alot, actually.**

**I hope you guys will still stick with me till Cold Desert's conclusion. I am VERY invested in this story, and I'll continue to thank each and every one of you that are invested in it as well. So, THANK YOU! Particuarly I'd like to acknowledge all those who've said I've nailed Jasper's character. When reading other fics, that's always an ability I admire in authors, so it's a HUGE compliment to me.**

**Let me know how you like the story; the pace is quickening now. Expect news from the other Cullens in upcoming chapters...and of course, more J/B tension.**

**Please, review! Your reviews literally brighten my days.**

**REVIEW!**


	10. Chapter 10

**On _Cold Desert_:**

**Rated T.**

**NON-CANON**

**Setting: Oregon, on the move**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But I'll still wish for it. **

Chapter 10.

JASPER'S POV

My sister Rosalie, golden yet troubled, had always expressed the sense that she'd been cheated out of a life, and therefore an afterlife.

She was devoutly Catholic during her human years, and, when turned, became bitter that her chance at heaven had been revoked. I could not exactly empathize, though my sympathy for her was real and fervent. The days I spent soaked in bloody grime, a rifle in my hands, and with no shoes on weary feet, had stolen that particular romantic notion away from me. Any vestiges of it that remained were further abolished in the transition of mortal to immortal.

I did not mourn the loss of it; the combination of war and the sudden, unbidden gift of life everlasting altered me in ways that mere physical changes couldn't reach or compete against. My very insides had been transformed, and I've always considered the change one for the better.

Heaven, Rosalie believed, was the broad white expanse where misery and petty human plights did not exist. Her definition was extensive, and laden with emotional technicalities.

I always viewed Heaven in a more simplistic manner: a pale blue setting, perhaps, adorned with the gentle evening breeze of Texas and the ringing of silver chimes from the Whitlock porch.

But when Bella kissed me my definition of Heaven was obliterated entirely, and replaced with a new, truer one.

Though I knew that my heart had stopped beating long ago, it almost seemed as if the organ had shuddered into activity once more.

Bella's warm hands encased my face, and her palms were dangerously close to the ragged scars along my jaw. I tensed instinctively, more out of insecurity and worry than discomfort. I wasn't sure what to do with my hands, or my lips- what I _could _do with them, what was acceptable. So I remained frozen in shock while she kissed me with once uncharacteristic strength.

A vampire's sense of time is altogether different than that of a human. I'm sure the kiss lasted merely several seconds. But I could slow down the hasty progression of time, if only for myself.

And I did. Oh, I did.

Later, I would dwell on the smooth curve of her lips, a curve I had always noticed and hypothesized about. I would focus on the slight tease of a hidden tongue behind her restraint, and the slick sweet moisture of her breath on my skin. These small, seemingly insignificant details comprised the most shocking- and, contradictorily, the most pleasant- experience of my life.

She pulled away; of course she pulled away. And there came a great wrenching in my chest as her fingers slid off my skin like a canvas smearing in the rain, coupled with the shaky exhale from her lips that washed me free of past transgressions. Her eyes met mine.

"I'm sorry," she said, trembling and blushing. She was so _human_.

I smiled. "No," I insisted. "You have absolutely _nothing _to apologize about."

---

On the walk back to the hotel, I told her that we should move on.

After removing myself from the situation to serve the restoration of her sensibilities- I could allow her one gratis, after all, regardless of who was to blame for the awkwardness- and standing outside the shop for ten minutes, she exited, carrying a bag in her hands. We proceeded back along our original path in absolute silence, a much different atmosphere than the one before. Our bodies were almost unreasonably distant, and she stumbled more than usual.

However, she misinterpreted me, and the well-meaning break in the quiet. I watched those brown eyes widen in disbelief and shame.

"I mean from the hotel," I clarified quickly. "We can travel by night. Where we're going, the sunlight is only going to get brighter. I can't risk any attention."

Bella nodded with an amiable sort of reluctance. "That's fine. I thought…" She shook her head. "Never mind."

I deliberated momentarily, and then weighed my options. Considering the circumstances, I didn't see much harm in pursuing a more risky path than I normally would have taken. She was embarrassed, certainly, but with time and practice…

My brain was proving to be lecherous, and treacherous, and any other negative adjective I could conjure up easily. Practice? She obviously kissed me on a whim, and had no intention of repeating the action. If I showed interest in echoing our previous encounter, her discomfort would only grow. I shouldn't put her through that. I wanted her trust.

But.

But Bella was everything I had ever dreamed of, even in my waking sleep. Crossing the threshold of our dingy, temporary home a slant of bad lighting splayed across her features. Even bathed in the harsh, usually unflattering fluorescents her skin was luminous and otherworldly. The double curve of her mouth and purple shadows bordering wide eyes entranced me.

She was perfect.

And yet, her imperfections abounded.

_But!_

I was suddenly a wavering mess of indecision. My insides writhed as if breaking from frozen freezer bonds, and there was a funny whirring in my ears.

It was almost _too_ reminiscent of wind chimes.

I whispered, "You're all there is now. And I hate it."

And she, cursed with useless human ears, did not hear me.

---

The phone rang as we progressed down the empty highway, and I jumped. I suppose I'd become accustomed to a certain clairvoyant alerting me to impending ringing. Even more so, I suppose it was the sensation of Bella and I being cut off from the world being shattered; I hadn't realized exactly how isolated we were before.

Bella rooted around in the travel case for my cell phone while I veered the car to a stopping point , and we laughed a little, nervous and flustered. What news would the ringing bring?

She thrust the phone into my hands, and I flipped it open hastily.

"Hello?"

"Jasper, thank God," Carlisle breathed. I smiled. His words and their implications were very nearly a vampiric paradox. His father would be rolling in his grave.

"Of course we didn't have…the normal advantage when it comes to foresight," he said, skirting around the delicate subject. "So we couldn't be sure that you were safe. Esme wanted to call you straight off, but I chose to wait. Without progress with negotiations, I didn't see the need. I'm getting ahead of myself," he said. "How are you? And Bella?"

My mind twisted in a secretive laugh, and I responded, "We're both doing fine. Hold on let me put you on speaker." I fumbled with the buttons for a lengthy period. Finally, Bella removed the device from my hands, exasperated but grinning shyly, almost reluctantly. She was still embarrassed from earlier events. I brushed her thigh with my palm. She jumped, switched the speaker setting on my phone and handed it back abruptly.

I frowned. "Go on, Carlisle. Tell us what's been happening."

"The Volturi have been uncooperative. At first, they denied ordering Chelsea and Afton to Forks. You can imagine how tense it became then. We missed your talents, that's certain." I could picture him pacing our grand floor at home, running a hand through his hair and sighing. Poor Carlisle. He was so old and had to bear so much.

I looked at the brunette beauty beside me. She seemed to be thinking along the same lines; her face reflected my insides. But instead of sadness exclusively, guilt was written there, too.

I reached for her hand.

Carlisle was still speaking in my ear, relating the latest events of a town far away, universes distant, yet I was more focused on Bella placing her hand in mine then than any threat or trouble.

She did so with an expression that simply tore my heart neatly in two.

"Jasper?"

I started. "Yes, I'm still here. We're still here," I corrected myself.

"I'm sorry there hasn't been much headway. I couldn't put off calling you any longer; I'm sure you're disappointed that we can't put this behind us just yet."

On the contrary.

"Does Bella have any questions?"

I offered her the phone. She gathered her breath and, intuitively, I knew what she was preparing to say.

Her next words killed a deeply buried part of me.

"Is Edward okay?"

I cursed as she leaned over, grasping her stomach in pain, still clutching the phone with stubborn determination.

"Bella," Carlisle's voice cut in sharply. "Don't try to fight against it. You're human- you could damage your body beyond repair if you allow Chelsea and Afton's power to ravage you."

She blinked back tears. "Damn it, Carlisle, is he okay?"

He exhaled a long, needless breath. "Yes. He's checked in a few times. He and Alice are fine, and I don't hesitate to infer that they're missing both of you greatly. I apologize that you have to endure this pain, Bella, you know that I'd do anything for you. But you must allow Jasper to take care of you until the Volturi and we reach an agreement. Do you understand me?"

She nodded, and then remembered he wasn't actually present to witness the motion. "Yes."

"Good. Jasper? Hang in there. We'll call again soon."

He canceled the call. A hurried, "We love you!" from Esme echoed in the background at the exact moment of communication termination.

There was only an awkward silence left in the wake of the conversation.

I revved the engine and the car leapt off the side of the road and onto wide freeway. I knew my knuckles were clenched tightly on the wheel, and my mouth must be cracking under the strain of keeping myself immobile.

"You're angry," she said.

"Nope. I'm peachy keen, darlin."

Bella cussed colorfully, and threw her elbow into the window glass, frustrated. I shook my head as she winced. Humans.

"Fine," she half-yelled, "I couldn't care less if you never talked to me again!"

"Fantastic."

She continued her tirade incredulously. "Yeah, and another thing- you're a prick!"

"You seemed fairly fond of me in the music shop."

Despite the fact I knew I should be ashamed of that retort, I didn't regret my words. I wasn't about to let her walk all over me. I wasn't Edward.

Still, the sight of her mouth gaping, and shoulders slumping with acute humiliation sparked some remorse within me. Perhaps now was not the time, anyway.

"Bite me," she replied sharply, apparently able to think of no other comeback.

Silence filled the Mercedes while her remark sunk in fully.

I began to laugh, unable to restrain myself for argument's sake. She joined in, and we chuckled for a good mile.

"Next time I suggest a better sense of phrasing," I said, grinning.

Bella winked at me, threw an unfamiliar CD into the dashboard's opening.

"What's that?" I asked.

"A departure from the eighties," she muttered satisfactorily. "_Black Holes and Revelations."_

I grinned as the opening track struck its first chord.

"It's good," I admitted.

She laid back, wrapped in a blanket we'd casually lifted from the motel, eyes closing contentedly. As was her normal routine, Bella would occasionally peep from under long lashes at me, convinced I wasn't aware.

I realized then that though I wanted her, she still longed for Edward. That was as it should be, I knew. Yet some piece of me writhed in torment to dwell on the thought. I decided I would wait until she made a second move. It wasn't exactly traditional. But then again, this predicament was nothing short of extraordinary. As it always was with Bella Swan.

The moonlight filled the car and I added to the ambiance with a careful dose of tranquility, hoping sleep would find her soon. Hoping that she might dream of me.

"My heaven is good."

* * *

**A/N:**

**I think I might just have to stop apologizing for lateness; I hate to repeat myself, and it seems my perfectionist attitude prevents me from updating in a reasonable timeframe.**

**So one last time- sorry!**

**Let's focus on the chapter itself then. I hope you like it, though something tells me it isn't quite as good as previous chapters. Again, that could just be me. Regardless, I made good on my word to add (hopefully) always-welcome tension and news from the Cullen clan. As some of you may have noticed, I don't like dialogue, so forgive me if the telephone conversation seems unrealistic or vague. Feedback on this particular topic would be appreciated!**

**On another note, Muse is a crossover hit- not just geographically, but fan-based. Twilight fans jumped on the Must bandwagon when our Queen, SM, so fervently suggested them. I myself am guilty of downloading Muse tunes simply because she had ordered it so. But they're amazing! My favorite Muse song, Uprising, has made the transition to radio recently. Good for them!**

**Please continue to review. I'll try to update much more now that the school year is winding down.**

**I love my readers!**

**Next time, will Bella end the tortured waiting for Jasper? Find out!**

**REVIEW!**


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